i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
