wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize