Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
