I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
