I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
