I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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