My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
