You made me cry and you don't even care
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize