Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
