i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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