Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
