i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude. I can hear the air.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
