Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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