Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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