I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
