Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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