my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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