he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
