I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The Olympian is in my bed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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