Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
