there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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