Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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