dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I supernannyed him into submission
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
