My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I love you. Go after that dick
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