yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
