I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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