so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
