I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
