More tranny stories later!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
