AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
