So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
