Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
