from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
