I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
