uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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