I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
