dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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