So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You ate ashes out of my bong
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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