went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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