i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
