Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And then he peed in my hair
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