mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Buhtt sex?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
