Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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