considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
