I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
