Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
