I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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