bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The best revenge is premature balding
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
