I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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