Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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