i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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