I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
