Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think my moral compass just broke
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
