I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
