I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize