Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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