Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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