i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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