Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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