shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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