I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
