the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
