I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
