did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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