At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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