She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
