Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
