Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
