why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
PANTIES FOUND
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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