ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
