what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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