whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
