My balls are so social today.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
