the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
