I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
