Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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