i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need moral support for this bender
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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