I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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