so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
