I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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