My liver just broke up with me...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
