I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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