Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
