If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
