my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
