hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize